FLOTUS Approves (Un)Happy Meals

Your child is obese.

Take no responsibility for the nutritional habits of your child however. Apparently it is McDonald’s fault for disregarding your child’s health by serving fries instead of apples.

But parents sleep easy tonight.

McDonald’s has vowed to tackle your child’s obesity problem beginning with the elimination of the caramel apple dip, a reduction in the french fries portion, and the addition of apple slices to every Happy Meal.

Michelle Obama (MO) commends McDonald’s dedication to solving this dilemma, but still demands improvement:

“McDonald’s is making continued progress today by providing more fruit and reducing the calories in its Happy Meals.

I’ve always said that everyone has a role to play in making America healthier, and these are positive steps toward the goal of solving the problem of childhood obesity.

McDonald’s has continued to evolve its menu, and I look forward to hearing about the progress of today’s commitments, as well as efforts in the years to come.”

It doesn’t seem MO will be content until McDonald’s undergoes a comprehensive Berkeley facelift – complete with seitan burgers, apple slices, and wheatgrass juice.

Conversely, if a vegan diet does not sound like an appetizing spread, hop on over to the Shake Shack for the MO special instead:

“Obama Foodarama is reporting that Shake Shack and Eatonville are reporting a ‘Michelle Obama Effect’ — a spike in visitors after the first lady racked up the calories during visits last week. Apparently, you can now order ‘The Michelle Obama Special’ at Shake Shack, and you’ll get a burger, french fries, a shake and a Diet Coke, just like Mrs. O” (Washington Post).

-Chaz Oswald

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